For the Love of Words

I’ve been going through all my stuff, getting rid of whatever I don’t need and I was on a roll…until I found the journals. There’s something about uncovering old writing that’s like finding a portal to the past. And there’s even more than the picture shows! 

I’ve always found it so easy – euphoric even – to get rid of things. But, I’ve gotta say, I’m a sucker for words – for the art of writing. These pages hold thoughts, memories, and oh so many moments where I was just on the verge of finally capturing the meaning of life. 

There’s something sacred about words. They have the power to create, pioneer, and connect. I’ll probably find a way to condense my rainbow of a library, but words on a page will always be my kryptonite – my first love. 

#words #writing #love #onthisepisodeofhoarders 

Good Love

Good love is constantly reassuring. It cultivates so much trust and faithfulness that it leaves no room for fear or doubt to grow. It happens when our focus is on creating bonds instead of on avoiding rejection or disappointment. It’s not something we stumble upon along the road; it’s something we consciously bring to life. Life isn’t created by safety, but by risk. It requires intention, commitment, and work. And it’s worth it. 
Application:

Thank the people in your life who have shown you the art of good love.《Good news: There is always someone actively caring for you and loving you well! God thought you were a good idea and so He created you for deep fulfilling relationship with Him.》

What are the relationships you want to develop deeper this week? 

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Something Given

She had a laptop that would only last a few minutes alone without its charger. For her 24 years, she had felt the same, being dependent on her family for most things. She had a habit of driving a 40-minute trail two times a day for work. Over the years, her 1998 Volvo S-70 was still as brilliant a red as its first day. She thought back to 1998 and remembered what it was like to ride in the back seat of the car at five years old…

“Nana?” She trumpeted in her I-just-started-kindergarten voice.

“Yes, Tori.”

“Can I have a strawberry candy?”

They were her favorite – mostly because they were what her Nana always had with her.

“Okay, just one now!” her Nana said while searching through her purse. “You don’t wanna ruin your appetite for when we eat soon,” she said in her Southern accent. Originally from Arkansas, her Nana and Papa brought the Southern soul into their family’s life. Jesus and hospitality mattered most and their shag carpet was perfect for kneeling to pray or laying down with a blanket after eating more than you knew you could.

After a trip down the familiar gravel driveway, the car came to a stop at their house. Usually, her first inclination was to run through the carpet and straight for the candy bowl, but this time, she stopped a second and asked again – with the strawberry candy clicking against her teeth as she spoke – “Nana, why are we here?”

“Oh, honey, we’re gonna have a good time together and you’ll get to eat some food, we can play, and have fun!” her Nana said lightly.

“No,” she said, “I mean, why are we here here…why are we living?”

“Oh!” Her Nana threw her head back and laughed. She had a river of joy ever ready to flow out of her at any given time. She had a habit of laughing at life when others would only scowl. She smiled, knowing the answer to this question right away, leaned down and matched Tori’s eyes. “Honey, I don’t know all the answers in this life, but I know we’ve been created to love. Like my dad, your Great Grandpa Buck, used to always say, ‘You just gotta love ev-er-y-bo-dy,’ and it’s true! I get to love you and you get to love me today!” She said with joy flowing from her face. “Now, let’s go on inside!” And just like that, the new kindergartner’s face changed from pensive to reassured as she walked inside with her Nana.

With one hand on the wheel, coming back from the memory, Tori laughed to herself thinking of the one strawberry candy that had outlasted all those years, still slightly melted under the back seat. It was strange how fast the time went by that took her from the back seat to the front. This car she now called Berry was something valuable passed on to her, just like the love.

Me and my amazing Nana! Her and my Papa always pray for me and our family on the hour!

Can I Tell You a Secret?

Can I tell you a secret? … Sometimes I’m not okay.

There. I said it.

There are times I cry for all of the things that I’m not. All of the ways I’m not perfect. I’ve been chasing a certain white rabbit for far too long. His name is Good Enough. I chase him so obsessively because, with the same ferocity, I am desperately running from his dark twin, Not Good Enough. It’s a cycle of insecurity and pride that can lead me down a hole that wasn’t meant for me.

It’s draining to strive for perfection by my own standards, let alone everyone else’s. After I finish following this path to its bitter end, I find that it’s all in vain. What I’m learning, and what I hope to learn more deeply, is that you don’t have to be perfect to be cherished.

There is something oddly refreshing to me about the breaking of glass. It reminds me how fragile the things we hold on to so tightly really are. They’re just things, and sometimes we need gravity to help us let them go. When things in our lives break, it’s sobering and powerful. It forces us to rely on someone greater, and then, like a phoenix, we can rise from the ashes of our shattered pride. Reborn. Not by our own strength.

I hope that if you’re struggling to attain Good Enough, that you would join me in letting it go for something much more beautiful. Loved. 

Tori After Dentist…

I am currently very numb. I can’t talk, I can’t eat, so I might as well write…

It’s interesting because I’ve always wondered about fasting and never did it. Now that I physically can’t eat, it’s making me realize I have more time for meaningful things tonight.

So here’s my jumble of thoughts:

I don’t know my limitations. I’m starting to know them, but I can’t forecast events or my energy level. I’ve had to say no to a few things I want to do at this time because things are getting so busy at work. Because, whatever I do, I want to do well.

I’m in a season of projects. I really like accomplishment. It’s just rewarding. And I finally feel like I’m at a place where I can accomplish some awesome things, both at work and outside of work, that I’m excited about.

But sometimes I have to scale back the zeal. I can get exhausted pretty easily, depending on the season. I don’t know if it’s just this time of year, but I tend to hibernate a little bit more than usual. I feel like I’ve been just doing life ‘go go go’ style from June to December and now I’m relaxing a bit, saying to myself, “It’s okay if you’re not always doing something.” This is important for me to realize. There’s a lot I want to accomplish this year, but that requires pacing, like running a race. You have to gauge your energy level in view of the ultimate goal. And while I’d like to challenge myself to be working to better my future every moment of every day, I need to recognize that the steps I’m taking right now are beautiful, whether they’re climactic or not.

The every day? That’s worship. This has been a theme for me lately in the past month and this morning, my mom, who always blesses me before I head out the door, said, “May your work be worship.” I hadn’t told her that this was my thing lately and it’s cool how God uses the people around us to confirm He’s there. He speaks, not only in the extravagant ways, but also in the simple, understated ways.

This past year has been one where I’ve noticed so many answered prayers, and a lot of the prayers answered are related to the work that God is doing in me. He’s transforming my character and growing me to be more like Him. He rejoices in my growth, and I’m proud to be His daughter. I was driving down the road today, thinking, “I’m like a young lion, like a daughter of Aslan – like a little Aslan…” (Aslan is C.S. Lewis’ metaphorical portrayal of Christ). Well, I am a Christian and the word ‘Christian’ literally means ‘little Christ.’ He’s leading the way to my transformation and it’s really cool. I’m growing deeper in my relationship with Him and getting more tools and upgrades to live my life well.

I was talking about work being worship. And it totally can be! Worship is, “to show reverence and adoration for God.” The way we treat people with honor, as we would treat Christ. The way we learn to communicate with different people best and accomplish great things to serve others. This is rich worship.

Romans 12:1, “Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.”

God is good! …Wow…

Okay, I’m noticing that my thoughts really are like spaghetti noodles: kinda all over the place, but connected. It’s just how I think. It’s refreshing to focus more on my message than the logistics of the message.

So, welcome to my mind!

Tori

For the first time in a long time, I don’t know what time it is

“For the first time in a long time, I don’t know what time it is,” I thought to myself after frantically reaching for my phone this morning.

It’s kinda gross how controlled by time we can be. It’s just embedded into our society nowadays. I’m always checking the clock to gauge where I’m at in the day, what I should be doing. I feel like I have to ration minutes as I live within this territory.

But I think time makes a terrible god. By its nature, time is finite – a measurement of limitation. But God is infinite, limitless, and eternal – free from the bounds of time.

Just as planets do not revolve around Earth, life doesn’t revolve around time. Time bows to the Creator of life. There’s a picture I see around Christmastime:

It makes a powerful statement no matter how you interpret it. But, for the sake of this post, Santa is time. Sometimes we make it bigger than God Himself.

-Selah-

I want to give God my time. And I mean that in all ways.

“I give it all to You. I’m not going to measure my life by time. I’m gonna measure my life by You.”

We talk about time like it’s the great dictator. But we are not ruled by a dictator. We are ruled by a fatherly King. And He is just as present as time is.

“Surely the LORD is in this place and I was not aware of it.” -Jacob, Genesis 28:16

Chicken Little, Hook, and Tarzan Walk Into A Bar…

Good day to you, my anonymous friend.

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I wanted to take a moment to recognize the frustrating things in our lives that are separate from our souls, but which interact with them. They may bump and bruise them, but our souls emerge victorious and stronger than before.

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In my life right now, I face uncertainty even when there seems to be certainty. The fact is, nothing is certain in this life. (Except for God…). Things are always moving. The urge to hibernate until the sky is done falling is tempting.

But hard things refine our quality. They ferment our character, give us more wisdom, flavor. Don’t let the flailing objects knock you down. But if they do, then get back up. Allow them to do what they are meant to do: develop strength. Use whatever is above you as a step up to greater heights rather than something to be crushed under.

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Just because you leave one chapter of the story, it doesn’t mean the story is over. It usually just means “on to the next chapter.” If you’re jumping a sinking ship, have faith that there is another vessel to take you through the rest of your days. It may not be what you expect. Sometimes—many times—we jump to the next vessel. We don’t step. We glide. Like flying from one jungle vine to the next, there’s that short period of time when we are not held by anything. We are literally in mid-air with nothing but faith to hold on to.

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By all means, embrace faith as intangible as it may seem. Do not hurt yourself with unnecessary doubt or internal struggle. Let some things be. But always try for something better.

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This has been my word of encouragement for the day, however abstract it may be. I hope it brings you hope as you spring into your future.

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-TQ

Change

Change. You dream about it with wide eyes. When it comes, it’s usually flavored with a touch of bitter and a dash of sweet because you’re parting ways with the past while honoring the beauty of it—with gratefulness and the promise of even more beautiful moments ahead.

We’re moving. We’ve wanted this for years and I guess now is the time. It’s happening faster than expected, but this is a good thing. As beautiful as our house is, I haven’t really appreciated it lately. Now that I can count the days I’ll be living here, it all seems richer to me. When we first laid eyes on it, we were awestruck, and it warms my heart that it’s another family’s turn to feel this way.

Oftentimes you lose something to gain something. I appreciate all the time we’ve had here and I’m excited about the new memories that are waiting to be made at our new home.

Moving is the perfect time to simplify, so right now we’re going through all the nooks and crannies, discarding what we don’t need and rediscovering things we forgot we had. Like sifting through dirt to get to gold, we’re finding forgotten treasures hidden in all the dusty clutter. Isn’t this so much like life? Changes can force you to reevaluate what you really need and what you really don’t. We need to get rid of certain things to make room for what’s more important and for the new things that are coming.

I’m grateful for the bittersweet. I’m making sure that I relish it and enjoy it. Letting go of this house helps me frame the memories made here in a new light—a more nostalgic one—and appreciate everything more.

So here’s to change. To the hustle and bustle of transition. To the moments that make you pause and reflect. May you always look back with gratitude and look forward with hope. Take it all in—everything about the moment you find yourself in right now. Cherish it. It will soon be gone, but may it be fully experienced and fully lived. The present deserves your attention. I dare you to welcome change with eyes wide open.

TQ

Captivated

This morning I got a wake up call from someone who loves me. He turned the lights on around 4:00 a.m. so we could talk. There I stood, dressed in my T-shirt and glasses. He was dressed in the splendor of His creation, showing me more of His character through a thunderstorm.

I was mesmerized. Captivated by His power and beauty. I couldn’t stop staring. I didn’t want to miss anything. He is both beautiful in the way that a flower is beautiful and in the way that lightning is beautiful.

Storms remind me that God is tangible and powerful. They remind me just how small I am in the palm of His hand. He has the ultimate control. I don’t. And for this I am utterly grateful. I felt more peace in this storm than I had in a while. Though I wasn’t asleep, my soul was at rest. In the arms of a powerful God.

I kept gazing at the sky, awaiting more glimpses of His fingerprints. And I thought, “This is only what I can see from my small window. There is so much more happening!” If my eyes can’t see something, that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. If I can’t see God working clearly, that doesn’t mean He’s not doing an amazing work. Tiny things happen we don’t notice that affect us in bigger ways than we know.

Most of the storm involved flashes of light, but I stayed awake for the sake of seeing the lightning bolts. They cut through the fog, decisive, powerful, and clear. They reminded me that God can do whatever He wants, and I like that about Him. I think it’s important to recognize that God is doing more than we can see. But I love those times when He powerfully intervenes and shines so clear.

-TQ